While the government is busy clowning around being shut down and all, I now declare myself as Emperor of the Republic of ERICA. My first duty is to impose new law. Let’s begin, shall we?
- An island will be created solely for people who abuse animals (and children and the elderly), rapists, murderers, and other oxygen thieves who do not belong in the gene pool. This lovely place will be known as ”The Island.”
- Inhabitants of “The Island” will be furnished with garden tools, some seeds, and a couple of livestock. They will fend for themselves with no help from anyone whatsoever. Let them figure it out, duke it out, whatevz.
- “The Island” will be surrounded by flesh-eating fish. There will be no escaping “The Island.”
- Slow drivers in the left lane will be permanently removed from my republic and given a one-way ticket to “The Island.”
- Gay Marriage is hereby legal in every city and every nation. From Lake Geneva to the Finland Station.
- The flag of the Republic of ERICA will have a unicorn on it… unless a brave soul desires to submit other designs of badassery to convince me otherwise.
- Everyone will be required to know the difference AND use the following words properly in a sentence: there, they’re, their, your, you’re, its, it’s, we’re, were, where, to, too, lose, loose, could’ve/should’ve/would’ve (vs. could of, should of, would of). Otherwise, your Internet privileges will be revoked indefinitely.
- Li’l Wayne… who?
- Voicemails will be obsolete.
- Hunting animals for sport? Guess what… you just won yourself a one-way ticket to “The Island.”
- Operating systems - if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it with inane updates.
- Circuses and Sea Worlds will no longer exist in the Republic of ERICA.
- Starbucks will have regular names for their cup sizes.
- Everyone will be required to make at least one reference from the following movies: Full Metal Jacket, La Bamba, Goodfellas, and Forest Gump.
This is a working list. More to come. Stay tuned, citizens.